Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
