I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How does one acquire holy water?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize