I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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