You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
