i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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