tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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