Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
