sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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