dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
