I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
