She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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