i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
