it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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