Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
