You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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