so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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