absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
