1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
