OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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