ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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