I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
