I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
