Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
