You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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