where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
