He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
