They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
