3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
