So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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