How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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