I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
