Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize