Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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