it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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