He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
