I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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