shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
