Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
