How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
