I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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