Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
