I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
