it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
