You're my little dorito
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
