My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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