i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
