Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
