I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
