My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
