Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
