you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
