my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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