he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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