Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize