hell yes lets make some ravioli
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
