She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
