I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
