he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
