Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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