see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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