I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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