I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she told me i tasted like america
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
