So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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