The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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