I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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