I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
