omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
