So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
