Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
