I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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