No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
