What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
whose parrot is this?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
