I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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