Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she peed on how many people?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
