There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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