Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
