speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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