so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
