I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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