My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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