I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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