Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
