I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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