My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
