I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
