i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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