Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
