I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
